I am writing to share my experience, but most importantly to me, I write so that I do not forget. There are so many moments in life that are so meaningful in the moment, and yet as new moments are created, some old ones are “forgotten”, or at least they are filed away outside of our main memory banks, waiting for future recall.
I am surprised about what I forget. Such important thoughts, shamanic journeys and experiences can feel so far distant, only to be remembered with a later “prompt”. Maybe that is the purpose of “forgetting”, so that we can “remember” at some later date, and have the blessed feeling of “Oh Yeah!”, as we realize that which was so important to our previous selves. I am writing today because I do not want to forget some meaningful details of my recent experience. Tomorrow is the beginning of a new phase, and I know when I look back at these moments I will be grateful for the “prompt” to help me say “Oh Yeah! Thank you!”
I wrote a previous post about some important things that I was helped to remember in the hospital after my recent surgery. Last night I remembered the following affirmations that also came to mind that same night in the hospital. I do not want to forget as I move forward in my life and my healing work-
“My body is my guide.
I trust my body
I take great care of my body.”
“My soul is precious.
I care for my soul with tenderness.
I trust my soul to guide me.
Authentically saying No, and Yes, is my sacred practice.”
Also as I lay in the dark that night, I contemplated the multidimensional nature of our world and how energies can be tipped over into one reality or another for different outcomes. The following thought felt useful for my situation-
“The “changing” energy (that can tip us into a more beneficial reality) comes from the healing Life Force that weaves all benevolent life forms together. This energy can be shared, and is found within each being. “Dis-ease” comes from Separation from that Life Force. “Healing” comes when one Reunites with the ever present Life Force once again.”
I certainly do not want to forget how big the mass was in my leg. I asked the surgeon to take a photo of it, and he did. Even though it is a strange sight, I am amazed to see what I was carrying around in me for so long. (The ruler is a 6 inches- OMG!)
Today I am having the “drain” removed from my leg (a tube flows from my thigh into a receiving bulb to allow fluids to exit my body after surgery). Last night was my last with my “little buddy”. I want to remember how it felt to exercise my legs in these first few days after surgery, with my own version of Walking Therapy. Step by step I carefully walked on the soft carpet in the house where I am staying to heal. I rejoiced in the feeling of each step, and remembered before surgery when the surgeon told me that he had to be very careful how he removed the mass in my thigh, because if he removed it as he would in another part of my body, I might lose my leg due to muscle loss. This ended up not being the case. Removal was much easier than he expected. I feel it turned out that way partially because of helpful energies (mine and many others) being fed into the situation to “tip” it into the “best possible” category. As I walked, enjoying each step, I listened to “With or Without You” (song by U2) played on cellos by 2 Cellos over and over and gave thanks for my legs and how good it feels to walk.
I cannot forget that I have snarled, been difficult, wild and reclusive. I certainly need to remember how the people closest to me have helped me and stood by me during this challenging time. Gratitude to Elisabeth, Jacob, Sue Ellen, Dee and Phil for helping and putting up with me.
While healing is an incredibly internal experience, reaching out for support of others is a vital part of maintaining our Life Force balance. I must remember how important it is to authentically share, especially when my tendency is to clam up and feel alone. Yesterday I drummed for myself to give thanks to all my Spirit Guides who have helped me…can’t forget them! While drumming they told me I needed to write this blog post, and so I am.
I have gotten myself into a life knot and I am now untangling myself. Emotional and physical healing is a profound experience and it is important to track it. So many emotions, thoughts and moments come and go, and they can blend together. I was a girl who wrote in a journal. I filled book after book. I gave my journal a name, and I would write to “her”. Now, as a shamanic practitioner I feel that I was actually writing to a Spirit Guide and Protector. In the last number of years I have stopped writing in a journal or doing much reflective written documentation of my internal experience. I have also noticed how much I tend to “forget”. So now, my current experience compels me to write and share, not only for my personal documentation, but to share my inner world. This way what I write may be helpful to others, and certainly to my future self.
Thank you for listening.
If you would like to explore your own inner world with the shamanic journey, go to www.shamanworld.com/online-learning
Forget me Knot