In the wake of #metoo shares nationwide and recent blow up of a longtime “spiritual” community in Tucson (over these same problems), I have been disheartened and disgusted by some responses of some men and women towards courageous women who have spoken up about past and present assaults and transgressions against them. I have witnessed so many bullshit responses that make me sad that this is where we are.

Statements like this are so unhelpful, and outright hurtful- especially from someone in a “spiritual” community-
“Getting angry doesn’t help/Calm down/Don’t get hysterical” grrr
“You must not remember the incident(s) accurately” grrr
“You need to have compassion for the person” grrr
“I never saw anything like what you are describing (therefore a lie)” grrr
“You women don’t know how good you have it these days (said by an older woman)” grrr
“Your negative thoughts must have created it” grrr
It goes on and on. To these statements I, as a person who holds space for people in pain as my vocation, say this…
FUCK THAT!!!!!!!!!


To anyone who has said this to a person in response to a painful share about trauma, you are HURTING the person. You are pouring “spiritual” salt into the already painful wound. If you have said any of these things, and you care about the person, you can apologize. If the person brings it up with you, you can LISTEN and resist becoming defensive. We are all learning and changing learned behavior. If you feel righteous in your denial and gaslighting behavior, well then- Fuck you. (How’s that for Spiritual?)

To anyone who has been assaulted, transgressed, and violated- damn right you are angry!  There are many feelings underneath anger, so if anger is never allowed to be processed, one cannot fully tend these wounds. I have heard many women speak of their Rage and not having a place for it.  I see a need in our communities to create space where this anger can be expressed and processed/transmuted/composted/burned/washed/tended in a sacred way.


This morning I saw this article and thought it is a good start.  I don’t endorse everything in this piece, but a number of the thoughts shared are helpful.  You are not alone. You are not crazy. You are worthy of respect.

Originally Published By:

By: Jordan Bates


From the article:

In Robert August Masters’ groundbreaking book, Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us From What Really Matters, he writes:

Aspects of spiritual bypassing include exaggerated detachment, emotional numbing and repression, overemphasis on the positive, anger-phobia, blind or overly tolerant compassion, weak or too porous boundaries, lopsided development (cognitive intelligence often being far ahead of emotional and moral intelligence), debilitating judgment about one’s negativity or shadow side, devaluation of the personal relative to the spiritual, and delusions of having arrived at a higher level of being.

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Getting Angry Doesn’t Help-Fuck That!

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